Saturday, June 9, 2012


As a mother of twins I have to say it's been it's been really nice having a community of other twin moms to confide in- some in real life (hi mom), some through blogging, many through instagram. I think only parents of twins really "get it" (the twin part that is)
I absolutely love being a mother of twins- I feel so blessed and think it is the funnest thing in the world. I always wanted twins and that's what I got, I love it! That being said, I'm pretty sure I bawled everyday for about 6 months or so- a lot of that probably had to do with the fact that I never slept.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant I realized my relationship with the world was changing- people asked me what I was having and when I'd say TWO girls, suddenly everyone had the okay to express every opinion they had with me, the perfect stranger.
People helped me with family planning. "You will not want more children after this" and "I'm sure you're done now".
People thought it was terrible news, "Oh my, your firsts? I don't know if I should I congratulate you??"
Lots of people wanted to know about me and my husbands intimate life, "Do twins run in your family (the politest way to ask if I was taking fertility meds)/Are the twins naturally conceived?/Are these fertility babies?"
It was some people's responsibility to make sure I understood how difficult it was going to be. "Your life is over", "My {relative}'s {friend} has twins and she wants to die". Oh thank you, that's very helpful to know. I'll consider that next time I get pregnant and maybe just go for 1 baby.
People had very considerate stories to share with me like "I'm a twin! But my twin died inutero." What a wonderful story to share with someone pregnant with twins. 
Once the girls were born and I started taking them in public the real invasion began, I no longer went to stores and stayed out of people's way and they stayed out of mine.  90% of the time people are very nice, I actually think its fun to hear people exclaim "oh twins, what beautiful babies, how blessed, etc" that never gets old. But suddenly every stranger in the world was giving me parenting advice and saying comments that have been repeated to me hundreds of times and have driven me to the point that I avoid peoples faces when I'm out and walk as fast as I can.
Including, but not limited to:
"You've got your hands full!"
"Better you than me" {um yeah, I think so too}
"I would die if I ever had twins"
"I could NEVER have twins" {so what would you actually do if the doctor told you you were having twins??}
"That kinda stinks, you had twins but they don't even look alike" (yes someone actually said that)
"My kids are <2 years apart, so it's like having twins, in fact it's harder because they are at different stages" {yes, it's much easier to have 2 babies in that newborn-having-to-nurse-every-2-hours-never-sleeping-spitting-up-and-pooping-constantly stage, I also enjoy juggling 2 teething, whining babies with the exact same needs, I also think it is much easier...}
 Some aren't as bad, but I'll just point out that I hear them all the time...
"double trouble!"
"Is it hard having twins?" {um, yes.}
"One of each, a girl and a boy!"
"Are they twins?"
I realize that people generally have good intentions, but hearing some of these comments so many times in a row still sometimes gets annoying. One particularly crazy day at costco I stopped counting the number of times I heard "you've got your hands full" after 15.
I don't want to sound mean, I don't mind that Lyla and June get noticed- in fact I'm so used to it I wonder what's up if I go somewhere and don't get lots of comments. But its one thing to say a KIND comment in passing and it's another to go out of your way to say nothing positive to a complete stranger. (Did the parents of these poor, deprived strangers never have them watch Bambi or something? If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.)
I don't know what possesses people to decide that they should share that they're so glad they're not me, with me. I don't see people in the store and walk up to them because they just HAVE to know that I'm so glad I'm not them. weirdos. But they are right, I guess it is better me than them because June and Lyla are much better off being raised by me, a person who feels happy and privileged to be their mom, despite how hard it has been at times.  It is double the trouble, double the diapers, double the bottles and tantrums and feedings and messes. But it is also double the fun, double the love, double the laughs and happiness. I get to experience all the joys of motherhood times two and I'd have it no other way!


LL said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
LL said...

I can only imagine! That would get annoying.
I know that one time I asked someone, because they had two sets of twins, if twins ran in their family...and the dad said to me, "we jog occasionally" I laughed but felt so dumb.
And I've tried to never ask that question again :-)

I get a lot of "god bless you" and "FOUR KIDS?!??" comments living here in Boston. And then when I have my kids all together people often say, "OHHH, you kept trying until you got that girl?" People really are funny. For the most part, I'd say their intentions are good.

IF YOU THINK MY HANDS ARE FULL, YOU SHOULD SEE MY HEART!! (cute quote I saw) Those babies are blessed to have your mother heart. I can't wait to meet see them in person one of these days. I just want to kiss those cheeks :-)
But really, next time you get pregnant, you should order a single ;-) HA!

Alicia said...

I think a lot of young mothers venturing out into the world get those, "You've got your hands full" comments. I get a lot of them, especially when Abby is having one of her epic meltdowns in the middle of a store. I think in general, people are just dumb and make lots of dumb comments. I think it's especially true, though, when you have a child who's a little out of the ordinary (twins, a child with behavioral problems, etc.) and then everyone thinks it's their responsibility and right to tell you exactly what you should do, or what you're doing wrong. And that's what's weird to me. I may occasionally comment that a stranger's baby is cute, or smile at their toddler, but I would never tell a stranger how to be a parent. The guy at the grocery store who told me to put a muzzle on Abby just boils my blood.

I really don't want this to sound like the "I know exactly what it's like to have twins" comment, because I sure don't. But I do know what it's like to receive a lot of judgy, unwanted comments, and I think you handle it so well (you know I'm thinking of that crazy lady at Walmart). Keep your spunky spirit, give people a little talking to when you feel like it, and keep being a great mom to Lyla and June!

Katie Hagen said...

i love your comment, i normally try not to talk about only "twin stuff" because i don't want to alienate myself from other moms and realize that there are many different types of situations out there, many harder than twins- you totally get the point i was making. :) and i was so glad you were at walmart that day with me to witness that crazy stranger, if no one else was there it would have been too weird to believe it was true. lol

Katie Hagen said...

i'm sure you're better than me at seeing the best in everyone- but i do try to remember that normally people have good intentions and just don't know exactly what to say. i just can't stand the comments when they imply that they feel sorry for me, i just threw the other ones in there for good humor because i hear them a lot, i really don't mind that much. :)

The Taylors said...

Its so funny how people feel the need to say something to you. People give me parenting advice in public all the time-I really think its because they think I am a teen mom because I look so young. (not that teen moms are bad moms or anything..) Anyway I have been told that Oliver is too small to sit in the cart about 10 times, scolded for not having socks on him multiple times, etc. Anyway, my point is its funny to hear the things people say to a mom with twins. :)

kristen kathleen said...

Thanks for posting this, Katie. So sorry that you have to deal with a bunch of nonsense. I don't have twins so I can't fully relate to your experiences, but I always love reading your blog because you make those experiences come to life for your readers. You do a fabulous job sharing the fun times, hard times, adorable times, and messy times that come with raising twins. You are honest and real, and the experiences you share are incredibly heart-warming. Joy Times Two is one of my very favorite blogs to read not only because of the amazing photos/adventures, but also because of your authenticity.

Michelle said...

Best blog post ever!!! I can relate 100%....and I also wonder what's wrong when we don't get at least one comment...LOL! TWINS ARE THE BEST! :)

miriamp said...

I've done spacing as close as 13 months (and several times in the 14-16 month range) often nursing both, and I still think twins would be harder. I have a lot of respect for mothers of twins.

If I ever see you in public, I'll say just this: "They're beautiful!" and walk on by after we exchange smiles.

AbbyS. said...

Another post I can totally relate too! Loved reading Katie. You make me feel so much better for having the same thoughts. June and Lyla are lucky ladies for sure.


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