Sunday, March 27, 2011

We got Jimmered

I must tell you I really just don't care about sports. 4 years at BYU and I never even bought an allsports pass. Brad still married me even though he is an extreme sports fanatic, and he knew, I made sure. This year the combo of being in the Hagen family and becoming fascinated by the Jimmer completely changed me. The Hagens got these *amazing* season tickets for Jimmer's last year so we enjoyed a lot of awesome games with awesome seats- here we are at the SDSU game:
We were going to the games up until just before the babies came, by end sitting for that long w/o my feet up did become very uncomfortable- my back would ache and my feet would swell up and hurt. But I still wanted to go. We got a free meal, and I got to see the Jimmer. I actually enjoyed watching him. Plus, basketball makes way more sense than other sports. Jimmer completely changed me. My dad and brothers loved that I cared about basketball. It wasn't just me though, my mom and sisters were known to watch the games...home...alone. This was unheard of in our family before. That boy seriously converted a nation.
Brad made sure that Lyla and June jumped on the bandwagon, they are the cutest little Jimmer fans in the whole world!
Brad even left us to go watch their sweet 16 moment in New Orleans, it was a bit disappointing...but I think they still had a good time. I got the girls dressed up and we all missed daddy.
I must say it was a privilege to watch him play. I'm talking about basketball as a privilege. Weird.
Oh Jimmer, we had such good times.  Thanks for helping me understand how fun basketball can be!
All this being said, I still watched a lot of ESPN this month that I could have done without, and I did it while nursing. So, my new family tradition that I began last year still applies- please see here for a refresher. (Brad: please review!) :)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

before babies

I know me and Brad are way more boring than the babies, but a few days before the babies came we took a few pictures I never shared. It makes me feel weird to look at these because it really was like another life. Every once in a while I look at the babies and it feels crazy to think that they're mine. They wouldn't be here without me and Brad. I'm completely responsible for them and have to take care of all their needs. Its weird you don't have to be a certified parent before you leave the hospital- you really don't know how to do anything. Even after a month I'm still just a rookie w/ 2 little guinea pigs...
Anyways, before the girls came we saw a lot of movies, ate at a lot of yummy restaurants, basically did whatever we wanted and really had no comprehension of what was about to hit us.
Here we are all naive and carefree just a couple days before their arrival:
Back then it was harder to blog with the big belly, but I didn't have to decide between things like recording my thoughts, showering, or taking a nap in my 1 1/2 hr window of me time... For some reason blogging is easier than a journal for me, and I can add a few of the millions of pictures I've been taking of the babes!
Here we are eating the yummiest meal at La Caille the week before their arrival: (Brad gave me a groupon thing for Christmas)
We went to my parent's place in Midway with the Hagens and saw the ice sculptures a few days before they were born too!
Oh, yeah- and we dined-in for valentines. I made an awesome meal, who knows if I'll ever make such awesome things again...
So we had some fun and now we're parents. The definition of fun is changing!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

the births day

It's hard to put into words how amazing life is right now. It is so hard to describe the miracle and wonder of the day the girls were born, but I will try my best.
When I found out I was having twins I knew the chances of c-section were high, but I also knew every set of twins in my family (and there are a lot) hadn't been delivered c-section and I was genetically designed to get twins out the old fashioned way. A part of me hoped the babies would need to be delivered c-section because it does eliminate some of the risk and unknowns, but obviously if there was no apparent reason to do it, I would go "traditional."
Even though everyone kept saying how twins come early, I knew I would last a long time- I tried to take it easy before the girls came (well, besides taking the NCLEX, and painting walls and furniture and redoing hardwood floors- just the essentials for the babies), and all the other family twins were full term. I think the girls would have been perfectly content inside of me forever, they didn't seem to have any plans for leaving. I never dilated and I never had real contractions (just some mildy uncomfortable ones if I walked outside in the cold in the evenings).
The babies never positioned themselves both head down. They were both transverse, then Lyla went head down and stuck there, but every week (even up to week 37) June would move into a different spot, but never head down. She liked going back and forth sideways, her head on the right side then the left. I don't know how she managed to move so much.
I scheduled our c-section on the earliest date the doctor gave me the okay for, just 2 days shy of 38 weeks. I scheduled it for noon so that I didn't have to wake up early on my last day of only having to be woken up by myself.
Everything went according to plan. I woke up, showered, grabbed "the bag", and off we went to the hospital. We were running late and Brad wanted to run through Wendy's which upset me a little, but he ate his burger as we drove to the hospital. I talked to my parents who were on their way out too.
Since I'd done my capstone at IMC's labor & delivery unit I requested to have my preceptor be my nurse so that was pretty fun. They started pumping me up with TONS of fluid, I already was retaining a bit of water that last week, but on delivery day I just blew up like a balloon.
I told Kris I was hoping Brad and my mom could go back into surgery with me even though I knew only one person was technically allowed, she said it all depended on the anesthesiologist, but that the one on call that day was very strict.  (My doctor told me it all depended on the nurse) When he came in the room I explained how I'd been a nursing student there, how Brad was squeamish with blood and I was afraid he might have to sit down on the ground leaving me alone, how my mother had a background in the medical field and had twins herself and how special it would be if they both could come- I milked it. He was the nicest guy and said "well, with those circumstances I'm fine with it, but it all depends on the doctor." I had everyone on board.
Both of our parents were there when I walked down the hall for surgery. I was so glad Brad and my mom got to be there. 
The c-section came up so fast and was a lot more intense than I had imagined. I knew the drill since I'd assisted my preceptor on countless c-sections, but it is a little different when you're the one on the table.
When I lay on my side to get the spinal block my head began to pound and my mom said that the veins in my forehead were popping out. I barely even felt a little sting, it didn't bother me nearly as much as my throbbing head. They layed me onto my back which made my head feel worse, I felt like it was going to explode. The anesthesiologist kept saying just a minute more and my headache should go away. I felt pressure and lightheadedness and it didn't seem to be normal. They kept saying "people have different reactions to spinals...", but I knew it wasn't that because it started before they ever poked me, as soon as I laid down. No one knew why I was feeling it and it scared me, I began to wonder if I had some clot or abnormal complication, what if I died while they got my babies out? I was so scared. Brad didn't know any different and it all seemed perfectly normal to him, he told me later he wasn't nervous at all. Easy to say when you're the hand-holder I guess {ignorance is bliss!}
I also was congested from a nasty sinus infection I'd had for weeks, pregnancy had completely shot my immune system, so breathing while lying down was even harder. They put oxygen on my face which was drying up my mouth and eyes. I was uncomfortable. The spinal hadn't reached high enough on my chest so the anesthesiologist had to put my head down below  my body which made it feel even worse, then my arms and hands started getting tingly and numb which didn't feel good. It was weird not being able to move my body and feeling like i was barely breathing.  This wasn't going as planned. I wanted to back up and start over, but it doesn't work like that. I could only think about the terrible unexplained pain in my head and I didn't even notice the cutting, tugging and pulling of the actual procedure. Brad said something about Dr. Froerer having to get my bladder out of the way and it wasn't until then that I even knew they were inside of me. All of the sudden a baby was crying. Brad said "whoa she's small" and I heard a nurse say 5'7. I couldn't believe the baby would be that small, they were supposed to be 7 pounders.
I could hear her crying then thought I heard a new cry. Is that the next baby? Brad said "whoa, she's even smaller" What? I thought we were having big babies...I hadn't even gotten to see them yet, but I was glad they were crying. Lyla had her umbellical cord wrapped loosly around her neck and June had her cord wrapped tightly around her neck and body. I was so glad I chose a doctor who plays it safe with twins, they really needed the c-section.
My head still felt horrible and I was upset that it was ruining the experience for me. I thought I might feel like that through the whole recovery, when would it ever go away? The anesthesiologist tried to give me a little peak from the curtain of one of the babies, I could see the nurse getting a temperature or something. I was so glad they were both out of me and crying.
Finally brad brought one of them over to meet me. I think it was June first. When I saw them I was completely overcome with joy. The problems with my head immediately disappeared. It was truly the happiest moment of my life. I've had some very happy moments in my life, but nothing compared to this feeling.
I created this baby, I carried her for 9 months inside of me, her perfect little body and spirit just came into the world and she was mine. Heavenly Father gave her to us, it is such a miracle. 
And I got TWO of them. Each their own little individuals with different looks and different spirits and personalities that we got to be parents to-starting today. In that very moment. My life was changed forever.
 I could not control my emotions, I was crying tears of joy and kept exlaiming "oh!" and "aw" The moment I met my babies gave me true tears of joy. The anesthesiologist had Brad put their little faces right up by mine and I was able to kiss them and tell them how much their mama loved them and welcome them to the world. It truly can't be put in words what an incredible moment that was. I don't think a greater happiness is possible.
  I think my mom carried one of them and then they put both of them in brad's arms. I exclaimed, "oh look at daddy!" Oh my gosh, all of the sudden it's here. he's a daddy. I'm a mommy. We have daughters.
I was so overcome with emotion. My mom said even the anesthesiologist got all teary eyed when he watched me meet my little girls. If I could change one thing that day I would have ensured someone got that moment on video because I would watch it over and over again.
They stitched me back up and got me onto another bed, I held Lyla going back to our room. June had to go to the NICU because she was under 5 lbs. so Brad went with her. After a little while they brought June into me to see if she would nurse. I tried nursing both of them a little right after the surgery. They took June back end everyone ended up leaving me and Lyla to rest together, she had been cold so I was doing skin to skin. I think we layed together for almost an hour, then they came and moved me to the postpartum unit on another floor. The nurses had to pack up all our stuff because no one was in the room with me. I didn't have my phone to get ahold of Brad or the grandparents. After a while Brad and everyone found me up in our new room. The grandparents stayed for a while then left me and Brad to have some time with the babies. So much of the hospital is a blur now, I'm glad I at least tried to write about it a little while I was there.
We spent the next few days in awe of our two little miracles, getting some rest when the nurses took the girls, and peacefully letting the idea settle in that these were our babies, we were parents now.
Welcome to the world little Lyla and June, we love you so much! Being a mom is a big and demanding adjustment, but both of you are already such a joy in my life and I know it will only get better and better. Thanks for letting me be your mommy.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

all you need is sleep

Today we gave the girls a bath after I fed them and then this happened: (so sweet!)
We just set them on the bed and they both cuddled up to each other and I think they could have slept there forever if I let them, after a couple hours I had to break up the fun so they could eat. It's the happiest they've looked together (normally they just kind of wack each other with their limbs or try to suck on each other...)
Today was such a good day, so nice to have after a rough day yesterday! Sunday night was no bueno. A feeding in the middle of the night took over 2 hours, then Lyla wouldn't fall asleep. I think I slept for about an hour, then June was ready to eat again. Brad wasn't home all day and I sat in my house with those 2 little babies who just wanted to eat and not sleep all morning. I didn't open the windows. I barely ate because I couldn't get the babies down. I considered calling my doctor to tell him I'd become a crazy lady. Then I got a little nap and last night Brad was a saint and gave the girls their first bottle feeding with some milk I'd pumped, I got to sleep almost 6 hours! It felt wonderful, and today I felt like a completely different person. I even got to take a sunny trip to the grocery store and I'd never felt so human. Turns out I really just needed some rest. (just like my babies!) :)

Saturday, March 12, 2011

i'm the milk lady

Hi my name is Katie. My daughters are Lyla and June, and they are milkaholics.
Right now I feel like the rest of my life all I will do is feed a baby, change a diaper, put her down to sleep and repeat with #2. Luckily, the girls have been pretty good nursers and have been gaining an ounce a day. It's gone fairly well from the beginning- the lactation specialist at the hospital told me I was the poster child for colostrum. Not exactly what I'd choose to be the poster child for, but I guess I'll take it- I don't think I could win poster child for anything else at the moment. I wish I wasn't the only person who could do this because it is more than a full time job! He is a talented man, but this may be the one job Brad isn't qualified for.
June is kind of a foodie already, she only wants the real deal. When I put the binkie in her mouth she sort of gags and makes a disgusted face before taking it. When she eats she eats like an angry bird for a few minutes, then rests before her next course. She likes her meals separated into appetizer, main course, and dessert. She wants the whole restaurant experience at every feeding.
Lyla on the other hand tends to eat more slow and steady, it's incredibly relaxing for her and she can fall asleep on me or to a binkie. The funny thing is that a little back rub, foot rub, or hand massage is what she requires to wake up and keep eating.
Because they both have their own little styles and floppy heads I don't know how I could ever do tandem nursing without an extra pair of hands. I also don't feel like I could ever nurse modestly the way people do in public. Maybe some weeks from now I'll be more ready for some of those more advanced nursing techniques...
I must say my very favorite thing about nursing is when they're about done and they roll their eyes back in their head then give a big smile. I love that. I know they say real smiles aren't for a couple months, but I don't understand why these don't count. They seem so happy. I caught one of June's post feeding smiles the day after she was born: (still working on capturing one of Lylas)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

2 weeks

It really is comforting to hear some encouraging words and advise from experienced mothers. I appreciate it. I've survived 2 weeks and hear the first 6 weeks are some of the I'm 1/3 of the way through that, right?
Their 2 week appointment went really well, except that it was right when we were supposed to feed them so they were super hungry.
After we got home they suddenly wanted to eat like every hour until we went to bed, I was afraid I wouldn't even be able to eat dinner! Then Lyla was crying like mad in the middle of the night after I fed her- I tried everything, but she took hours to fall asleep. I layed on the floor of the nursery and tried to keep a binkie in her mouth, it was rough. My mother-in-law says those sleepless nights are what bonds you to your children and give you an even deeper love for them. Lyla is making sure I'm very bonded to her... guess what girl? I already am, no need to fuss in the middle of the night! (you think I'd be napping, but we're watching the BYU game)
I've already put these pics of their weigh in all over the internet, but they're too cute, so they're going on my blog too. They both gained 6 oz, (4 13 and 5 3 now)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

upside down

I'm in love with this picture- and not just because I happen to not look bloated in it and both girlies have their eyes open. :)  For some reason it comforts me to look at it. It makes me feel like maybe I can have it all still...someday. Right now I've entered into this new world- motherhood. It's wonderful. The highest calling... I'm excited about it, but I also feel some loss of identity. I'm still a wife, right? Still a couple in love? I'm still Katie, right? Even if I can't be so carefree (no fancy free trips or random late night movies...), even if I'm completely uninterested in cooking anything, and have spent every day inside our house wearing milk stained clothes...
I see a picture like this and I think, it's all going to be worth it. I mean it's already worth it, I love these little girls and they're so sweet, but THIS IS SO HARD.
People like to say marriage is an adjustment, and after having babies I decided I don't agree. Marriage is as much as an adjustment as making a new best friend, it's cake. But having a baby, let alone 2 babies, has completely rocked my world.  I don't even think I can call it a life adjustment, I feel like my life got thrown upside down, died, and now I have this new life I need to get used to.
I need 2 of me to take care of both of them. I miss the hospital where I had people caring for me constantly while I cared for the babies. I could feed them and hold them, then send them to the nursery to sleep when I was tired. There were no dishes, no laundry, no meals to think about. People brought me my food, helped me to the bathroom, and checked on me constantly. I miss it... I still want to be babied as I get used to this role and recover physically and emotionally, but instead I have to care for these 2 helpless babies day and night. Brad has helped how he can, but he is tired and has been busy as well. I'm scared to be on my own, the little people outnumber me and I feel like there's no way I can win... heaven help me.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

weighty issues

1 week old weigh in

Aren't our girls the cutest little things ever?
but...this week on campus the biggest loser! Having lost a total of 29 lbs so far. :) Sure, Lyla lost 10% of her weight in the hospital, but luckily 29 lbs is more than 10% of my weight. I really want to fatten these girls up, and if it helps me take off the baby weight, thats just an added benefit!
This week at their 1 week appointment with Dr. Jed June weighed a whopping 4 lbs 7 oz and Lyla 4 lbs 13 oz. Their weight is coming back up, I'm hoping they'll both be over 5 lbs for their 2 week appointment. (make all these demanding feedings worth it!) They are just so tiny, I can't believe it. I want them to get some chub so bad. We were expecting 7 lb babies according to ultrasounds at our doctor's office... 


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