Wednesday, March 16, 2011

the births day

It's hard to put into words how amazing life is right now. It is so hard to describe the miracle and wonder of the day the girls were born, but I will try my best.
When I found out I was having twins I knew the chances of c-section were high, but I also knew every set of twins in my family (and there are a lot) hadn't been delivered c-section and I was genetically designed to get twins out the old fashioned way. A part of me hoped the babies would need to be delivered c-section because it does eliminate some of the risk and unknowns, but obviously if there was no apparent reason to do it, I would go "traditional."
Even though everyone kept saying how twins come early, I knew I would last a long time- I tried to take it easy before the girls came (well, besides taking the NCLEX, and painting walls and furniture and redoing hardwood floors- just the essentials for the babies), and all the other family twins were full term. I think the girls would have been perfectly content inside of me forever, they didn't seem to have any plans for leaving. I never dilated and I never had real contractions (just some mildy uncomfortable ones if I walked outside in the cold in the evenings).
The babies never positioned themselves both head down. They were both transverse, then Lyla went head down and stuck there, but every week (even up to week 37) June would move into a different spot, but never head down. She liked going back and forth sideways, her head on the right side then the left. I don't know how she managed to move so much.
I scheduled our c-section on the earliest date the doctor gave me the okay for, just 2 days shy of 38 weeks. I scheduled it for noon so that I didn't have to wake up early on my last day of only having to be woken up by myself.
Everything went according to plan. I woke up, showered, grabbed "the bag", and off we went to the hospital. We were running late and Brad wanted to run through Wendy's which upset me a little, but he ate his burger as we drove to the hospital. I talked to my parents who were on their way out too.
Since I'd done my capstone at IMC's labor & delivery unit I requested to have my preceptor be my nurse so that was pretty fun. They started pumping me up with TONS of fluid, I already was retaining a bit of water that last week, but on delivery day I just blew up like a balloon.
I told Kris I was hoping Brad and my mom could go back into surgery with me even though I knew only one person was technically allowed, she said it all depended on the anesthesiologist, but that the one on call that day was very strict.  (My doctor told me it all depended on the nurse) When he came in the room I explained how I'd been a nursing student there, how Brad was squeamish with blood and I was afraid he might have to sit down on the ground leaving me alone, how my mother had a background in the medical field and had twins herself and how special it would be if they both could come- I milked it. He was the nicest guy and said "well, with those circumstances I'm fine with it, but it all depends on the doctor." I had everyone on board.
Both of our parents were there when I walked down the hall for surgery. I was so glad Brad and my mom got to be there. 
The c-section came up so fast and was a lot more intense than I had imagined. I knew the drill since I'd assisted my preceptor on countless c-sections, but it is a little different when you're the one on the table.
When I lay on my side to get the spinal block my head began to pound and my mom said that the veins in my forehead were popping out. I barely even felt a little sting, it didn't bother me nearly as much as my throbbing head. They layed me onto my back which made my head feel worse, I felt like it was going to explode. The anesthesiologist kept saying just a minute more and my headache should go away. I felt pressure and lightheadedness and it didn't seem to be normal. They kept saying "people have different reactions to spinals...", but I knew it wasn't that because it started before they ever poked me, as soon as I laid down. No one knew why I was feeling it and it scared me, I began to wonder if I had some clot or abnormal complication, what if I died while they got my babies out? I was so scared. Brad didn't know any different and it all seemed perfectly normal to him, he told me later he wasn't nervous at all. Easy to say when you're the hand-holder I guess {ignorance is bliss!}
I also was congested from a nasty sinus infection I'd had for weeks, pregnancy had completely shot my immune system, so breathing while lying down was even harder. They put oxygen on my face which was drying up my mouth and eyes. I was uncomfortable. The spinal hadn't reached high enough on my chest so the anesthesiologist had to put my head down below  my body which made it feel even worse, then my arms and hands started getting tingly and numb which didn't feel good. It was weird not being able to move my body and feeling like i was barely breathing.  This wasn't going as planned. I wanted to back up and start over, but it doesn't work like that. I could only think about the terrible unexplained pain in my head and I didn't even notice the cutting, tugging and pulling of the actual procedure. Brad said something about Dr. Froerer having to get my bladder out of the way and it wasn't until then that I even knew they were inside of me. All of the sudden a baby was crying. Brad said "whoa she's small" and I heard a nurse say 5'7. I couldn't believe the baby would be that small, they were supposed to be 7 pounders.
I could hear her crying then thought I heard a new cry. Is that the next baby? Brad said "whoa, she's even smaller" What? I thought we were having big babies...I hadn't even gotten to see them yet, but I was glad they were crying. Lyla had her umbellical cord wrapped loosly around her neck and June had her cord wrapped tightly around her neck and body. I was so glad I chose a doctor who plays it safe with twins, they really needed the c-section.
My head still felt horrible and I was upset that it was ruining the experience for me. I thought I might feel like that through the whole recovery, when would it ever go away? The anesthesiologist tried to give me a little peak from the curtain of one of the babies, I could see the nurse getting a temperature or something. I was so glad they were both out of me and crying.
Finally brad brought one of them over to meet me. I think it was June first. When I saw them I was completely overcome with joy. The problems with my head immediately disappeared. It was truly the happiest moment of my life. I've had some very happy moments in my life, but nothing compared to this feeling.
I created this baby, I carried her for 9 months inside of me, her perfect little body and spirit just came into the world and she was mine. Heavenly Father gave her to us, it is such a miracle. 
And I got TWO of them. Each their own little individuals with different looks and different spirits and personalities that we got to be parents to-starting today. In that very moment. My life was changed forever.
 I could not control my emotions, I was crying tears of joy and kept exlaiming "oh!" and "aw" The moment I met my babies gave me true tears of joy. The anesthesiologist had Brad put their little faces right up by mine and I was able to kiss them and tell them how much their mama loved them and welcome them to the world. It truly can't be put in words what an incredible moment that was. I don't think a greater happiness is possible.
  I think my mom carried one of them and then they put both of them in brad's arms. I exclaimed, "oh look at daddy!" Oh my gosh, all of the sudden it's here. he's a daddy. I'm a mommy. We have daughters.
I was so overcome with emotion. My mom said even the anesthesiologist got all teary eyed when he watched me meet my little girls. If I could change one thing that day I would have ensured someone got that moment on video because I would watch it over and over again.
They stitched me back up and got me onto another bed, I held Lyla going back to our room. June had to go to the NICU because she was under 5 lbs. so Brad went with her. After a little while they brought June into me to see if she would nurse. I tried nursing both of them a little right after the surgery. They took June back end everyone ended up leaving me and Lyla to rest together, she had been cold so I was doing skin to skin. I think we layed together for almost an hour, then they came and moved me to the postpartum unit on another floor. The nurses had to pack up all our stuff because no one was in the room with me. I didn't have my phone to get ahold of Brad or the grandparents. After a while Brad and everyone found me up in our new room. The grandparents stayed for a while then left me and Brad to have some time with the babies. So much of the hospital is a blur now, I'm glad I at least tried to write about it a little while I was there.
We spent the next few days in awe of our two little miracles, getting some rest when the nurses took the girls, and peacefully letting the idea settle in that these were our babies, we were parents now.
Welcome to the world little Lyla and June, we love you so much! Being a mom is a big and demanding adjustment, but both of you are already such a joy in my life and I know it will only get better and better. Thanks for letting me be your mommy.


LL said...

Lucky little girls...
Thanks for sharing the story of your big day, it was fun to read and see the pictures!
I love that your sweet mom was in there with you!

Bre said...

what a beautiful story! I'm my hospital, my mom wasn't allowed in the OR and Mark wasn't in there for when I got the epidural. (The anesthesiologist had me sit up to get mine. He kept saying, "Bend more" I want to scream, "I can't! My massive belly is already being smashing into this tiny table! There's no more room to bend!")

Your girls are absolutely adorable and so lucky to have you!

Natasha said...

I'm sorry you had a rough time with the spinal block. Your story about meeting your babies brought tears to my eyes. Being a mommy is the best!


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