Monday, May 16, 2011

the birds and the bees

Don't be a pervert. I never even understood that metaphor, and I'm actually just talking bees here. Just bees.
If you follow me on facebook or twitter you may have heard about the evil little creature that stung me night before last. It was a little traumatic for me. At first I thought it was a needle, and before brad turned on the light I really thought (and hoped) it wasn't some crazy spider or bug and that I just had a random nerve misfire of sorts. When I saw this huge (relative to there being nothing) moving thing in bed I flipped. My skin crawled. There was some gasping and maybe even a little screaming. I told brad I felt like the universe had turned on me or something. He didn't get that. (what besides the spider? Nothing.)
But you get it right? I'd fed babies and got them to sleep, I was tired and relaxed, about to lay down for a peaceful rest....when all of the sudden I'm stung, for the first time in my life, by a bee who happens to be in my bed, who happens to be right where I lay my hand down to get in bed. It caused me pain, but worse it messed with my chi. That bee was where I lay the babies swaddling blankets, where I normally lay the babies to swaddle them on every other night but this one. What if it had got one of them? The possibilities horrified me and I was certain that bee ruined my whole night's rest and I'd have crazy dreams of animals crawling into babies cribs. How could the wild kingdom intrude my private space like that? My BED! The special place where I sleep, which is my new favorite hobby. Why? My bed of all places should be a safe place. Brad finally convinced me the bee's friends weren't around and I got back in bed. Then he said something beautiful after another bout of my rambling discontent, "There is no peace anywhere!" Yes! He got it. I felt so validated and understood. "Exactly!" I shouted with glee, "There is no peace anywhere!" to which he replied, "No, there's no bees anywhere." He was just being factual.
There's something you must know about Brad to kind of understand how funny this was. In almost 2 years of marriage I haven't been able to get him to even just try and come up with the "right" responses that a girl would like to hear. He says what he thinks, which is often no response at all. I try to tell him, why don't you just say "yes that lady was rude, how frustrating, I can't believe he would say that, that's exciting, how awful the bee stung you, etc, etc". But he'll have none of it. I can't even get him to say "yea" sometimes, just so I know he's listening. I love him so. He had no sisters you see, so I cut him some slack. But I thought he finally understood, or at least understood to pretend to understand. When I realized the one time he said a "right" response that I'd actually just misheard him, we both erupted in laughter. Even while praying I kept getting the giggles. I laugh every time I think of how enthusiastically I shouted "exactly!" with such relief that he finally decided to humor me with a correct response. (and a semi-dramatic one at that)
I suppose instead of trying to teach him how to make me happy with his responses I should just fantasize/hallucinate the correct response right out of his mouth. He'll thank me later. Now that's healthy marital communication, problems solved. I am a champion of world peace. (even if sometimes there is no peace anywhere.)


annabella said...

I haven't laughed as hard in a while as I did this morning while reading your 'bee' blog. You are right..."there is not peace anywhere."
Annabella :)

Emily Hagen said...

EXACTLY! Blake is EXACTLY the same way, bless his heart. Validation is just not in the Hagen boy vocabulary, I'm afraid. Sorry to discourage you, but after almost 5 years of marriage, there has been little improvement on this front. I'll have to try this method of imagining the correct response coming out of his looks promising :)

Emily Hagen said...

PS I read your blog post about chopping your hair before blogger mysteriously ate it and I feel the same way...I don't like myself with short hair if I am feeling, ahem, bigger.

I had the same experience...the weight just melted off the first month, then came to a sudden halt for no apparent reason. I can only imagine it is a lot tougher after 2 babies! I think it's good that you are taking baby steps to improve your eating...only so much you can do diet-wise when you're nursing! I found signing up for a 5K a few months after Taylor was born helped me to stay on track with exercise. It was the only way I could stay motivated to keep exercising, cuz I knew I had to be ready to run 3 miles in a matter of months.

For my part, I think you look AWESOME for having just had twins. I think that every time I see you. I know that doesn't change the fact that it's hard not knowing when or if you will ever go back to the size you are used to...I remember wondering if I should just accept it and buy a new wardrobe or keep hoping I could fit into my old clothes...the joys of motherhood :)

Katie Hagen said...

Emily, thank you for confirming to me I'm not crazy, I swore I posted that and then it just disappeared...wasn't saved as a draft or anything! I figured the www was telling me it was meant for my eyes only. :) maybe we should run a little 5 k together a couple months after you have your baby??


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