I've got a good PR guy "up there" who must have made up this flyer to lure the girls here:
Picture a rainy day, you can gently rock in your bouncy seat or be held on demand at any time. A woman with red-rimmed eyes will tend to your every need, and when she doesn't a man with red rimmed eyes is there for backup.
*High-end nursery suite with ample noise makers and swaddling blankets to make you feel warm and cozy, very wombescent.
*Free, live entertainment. Besides the nightly shows available, you will simply need to look at the woman, who seconds as a court jest, with your doe eyes and she will make all attempts to entertain. Singing, dancing, tickling, crazy baby talk- it won't stop till you stop smiling.
*Heated indoor sink baths, at least 2x weekly
*Meals include: continental breakfast, brunch, lunch, afternoon snack, dinner, late supper, and a midnight snack. All meals include fresh, warm milk for two.
*Fast, efficient, and sanitary diaper changes made frequently throughout the day.
*Same day laundry service specializing in hydroflourescent orange stains.
*Clothing optional. Numerous adorable, coordinated outfits will be provided for the fasionista baby-on-the-go.
*Intense gym training with a personal trainer including tummy time and the popular kicks and wiggles program.
*Follow your workout with a relaxing massage, nested in cuddling arms that rub your back and pat those tired muscles.
*Several exotic day trips are available. Visit local grocers, grandmas house, and more!
All services are free and included in the package. Just show up and give us a try.
P.S. There is an eternal contract, once you join us we'll never let you go.