gender is everything.

Phew... what a relief to go into the doctor today and find out that both babies are growing healthy and strong! They are so big now with long limbs and looking just like regular babies, watching them move around so much made me feel like I must be numb inside to not have felt them yet...
The ultrasound tech said we are having 2 girls! Brad is excited to continue as the man of the house, although this does put the pressure on to produce some basketball-playing, tackling, nose-picking boys eventually. I was a little shocked. I was thinking it would be a boy and a girl, but was trying to prepare myself for the possibility of boys. For some reason I hadn't considered if they were both girls... Before we were just having babies, but now we're having 2 little girls! wow.
Now the nursery plans begin, the name game, the cutsey outfit shopping, the quilt making. So much to do now, I better go sew!

Both of the babies are little acrobats with their toes up by their foreheads. They're too big for one picture, but maintain their bunk bed positions, mixing things up by laying head-to-toe.
(note baby A's fist trying to punch baby B in the second pic. They're already getting along!)

Apparently this is the proof we're having girls:

(we'll really have to work on modesty with these two...)

NCLEX

Tomorrow I'm taking the dreaded NCLEX (nursing board exam). Please don't ask me how I did, I'm so worried I won't pass. If I do, I'll make sure to let you know. If I don't, assume I'm taking it again in a couple of months. It almost makes me nauseated just thinking about it. I've really tried to study hard this week. really. I'm already using the babies as an excuse though, how can I really focus on studying when its so much more fun to do the following:
write this post
do research on project nursery
plan quilt patterns
make lists of baby names
google "is _____ normal at 16 weeks pregnant?"
plan how I will make my own adorable baby books
periodically ensure I'm not missing out on any killer ksl deals
peek at the 6 different books I bought about raising twins
filter out pants I'm no longer wearing and put them in storage
read about how celebrities w/ twins still have all the "normal challenges" even w/ their live-in baby nurse
make a list of all the disney movies we should own

These are important things too, right?
I've been trying to do my best to prepare, even if my best doesn't seem that awesome right now. So all I can do is pray that this will be enough because I'm so sick of studying. I don't even know what on earth I'm doing. Who will hire me? How long will I be able to work anyways? Why nursing? I should have stuck w/ being a high school home economics teacher, I'd be organizing a cake decorating contest for teens right now...

what's going on down there?

16 weeks and I'm starting to get creeped out. For one, those creepy looking babies on the baby countdown to the side of my blog appear to be getting bigger, but they continue to look like frail elderly people or barbies. I can't decide. Whoever designed them should have made them a little more chubby, stubby, and lovable. I'm mostly creeped out because its been a month now since I've seen a doctor or had any update on these babies growing inside me. I haven't felt them yet so there is nothing to confirm their healthy development. Its driving me crazy.
How on earth do people wait 1 month between doctor appointments??? We went in for our first appointment at 8 weeks, and then I was all "special" and got to make sure my babies were okay with an ultrasound every week. Then at my 12 week appointment the doctor says "see you at 16 weeks." Wait a minute here. How do people maintain sanity for this long with no idea how babies are doing??? I've been on somewhat restricted activity, how do I know if I need to keep it up? If its working? I can't wait till 24 weeks when I'll be deemed "special" again and get more frequent ultrasounds. I realize there is an element of faith involved in all this, but since technology is so cool I'd like to be able to use it all the time for the facts on whats going on down there.
This is my only positive evidence that something good is happening. Brad thinks I stick out my waist for these pictures (I may have played with angles a little for the 14 week picture), but I made sure not to for this one:
week 16

I can't tell you why I think to take a picture of my belly right out of the shower in a room under construction, but just ignore those details.
I've mostly been wearing flowy tops and people keep saying "you don't look pregnant at all." Well, under that flowy material is a bump that I believe is starting to go beyond what could be mistaken as a thick-waisted, non-pregnant girl.
Exhibit A, just in case you missed it in the above picture:

I guess I could just always wear stretchy downeast tops that make my changing figure more apparent. Its not offensive to me when people say I don't look pregnant, I just think, "yeah right. I used to have a flat waist, and now I have this pooch...so I'm pretty sure I look pregnant." Oh well, I'll enjoy it while it lasts because at some point my belly will no longer play hide-and-seek no matter what style of top I'm wearing!

why are there still people who smoke, seriously?

So we have this guy working on our house who stepped outside to smoke, leaving our front door open. Our house filled with smoke and I became infuriated. I wanted to run outside and being choking him while yelling "this is what you're doing to my babies, you idiot, get off my property!" but then I realized that would have been really crazy, so I just made brad politely ask his superior to tell him not to smoke anywhere near our home again. I think everyone is a little crazy, its all about whether you act on it or not...

P.S. Smoking is still more crazy than choking a smoker... I can't comprehend how there are still people who decide to start smoking. (Is it the expense, the shortened life, or decreased quality of life that is most appealing?) This guy keeps making these awful huking noises like he has lung disease at 20 something, I keep wondering where his spit is going... and the whole thing makes me a little nauseated.

my passport says Katie Lewis

This isn't complaining, not really, because I wouldn't expect to get any sympathy. I've been able to travel a lot in my life, I know... but I must say this whole crazy year of nursing school I've been dreaming about some amazing trip I'd be able to plan after it was all over. Life never goes as planned though... and now that we have twins coming I long even more for some "last hurrah". It's slowly dawning on me that it could be a very long while before I need to bother with changing my passport to "Katie Hagen".
Travel was always the one thing that (before I got married) made me feel like I would want to wait a few years before having kiddos, I'd never trade this opportunity for twins and I'm completely thrilled about it, but that doesn't mean I'm not mourning the immenent loss of my ablility to travel the the far and exotic corners of the world. I want Egypt. I want Thailand. I want China. I want to go down under. I want a euro trip w/ my husband.  I want to take Brad to Chile and visit my people, I want him to take me to Taiwan and do the same. A few too many "I wants" I suppose? I guess I'm feeling a little selfish right now, I realize it's not very becoming, but thats just how I feel right now. I won't even have the option to be selfish in a few months, so maybe its okay to feel that way just occasionally right now...
I guess that actually was complaining. I just wanted to complain a little before I got back to studying for the NCLEX. Thanks for your time, sorry if you read this. I should really get a journal. (you know, one so my grandkids think I'm awesome and another to complain in that I'll burn one day...)

Nesting, phase 1

So, there are about a million things I want to do in our house to make it more livable/comfortable/happy before the twins come. (move our TV room upstairs once we finish painting up there, fix water damage and paint in the family room once we fix the roof, get some new furniture for the family room once we pull up the carpet and redo the hardwood floor, get a fireplace, retile the bathroom with a normal bath/shower, knock down the wall between the family room and kitchen so it's more like a great room, paint/furnish/decorate the nursery, possibly get plantation shutters in several of these rooms...a bit much, but it all seems important, right?) It makes me tired every time the wheels start turning in my head, but we finally finished our bedroom yesterday! 1 room down, 4 more to go.

Let's see, now we've got the kitchen, 1/2 of the bathroom, and the bedroom finished (minus new window coverings), that only took us a year so we should be able to do everthing else in a few months...easily....
I'll just focus on what we've done, it started out w/ yucky floors and plain walls:

More views, including shots of our floor (our pride and joy), and the stained glass that I adore.

Brad got me this large Ikea closet for my birthday gift and it was quite the accomplishment that he built it, turned out to be pretty complicated. We had to get this so we can slowly transition our closet (which is actually another bedroom) into a nursery.

I think this will be a nice place to rest on occasion when babies are sleeping...

                            

Sweet Dreams!

labor day bump

say hello to a tiny pooch! I'm so glad I decided to take a pic of myself last week, once I'm ginormous I can recall the way I once was... And you have to get one of those awkward shots where you're 13 weeks pregnant, right? I'm not showing yet, I'm "thickening"- loosing my waist, no longer wearing 1/2 of my pants, and trying to remember that this is an acceptable pooch and not to try and suck in as it pops out when i sit.
What is shocking is that I took the first picture on Thursday, then somehow over labor day weekend I suddenly just popped out! I didn't look in a mirror all weekend, then on Tuesday I suddenly said "whoa...that wasn't there last time I checked."
Last Thursday's mini-pooch: (13 weeks)

today's much more noticable tummy: (14 weeks)

Now I realize my emotions as of late have made me extra sensitive, but it's amazing how quickly after you announce you're having a baby that a plethora of irritating questions ensue:
Were you trying to have a baby? I enjoyed my friend Alicia's response to this, "No, we were trying to create a new species of house plant, and it all went terribly wrong."
Were you taking fertility medications? Look here stranger, are we suddenly going to start discussing each other's sex lives? Because this is all starting to get a little too personal for me...
FYI Twinsies run in my mom's family- she had twins, 2 of her sisters, and several of my cousins. Fraternal twins can be genetic (hyperovulation) and it doesn't "skip a generation", that's just a myth. :) So now that a couple of my least favorite questions are out there, let's stick to fun ones... like what genders they will be, how I shall decorate my nursery and such.

san fran

I uploaded the few random pics I took in San Fran, Brad worked hard so I tried to play hard for the both of us. :)
I took a tour bus around the city one day, it was actually pretty fun! I got to see some of the sights while looking like a total dork, but who cared when I was all alone?

and make a pilgrimage to the chocoholic mecca:

I ate lunch at the loveliest little spot, crown and crumpets. A nice bowl of soup, french bread, and english magazines for the lone diner. I got a kara's cupcake for dessert, honestly I wasn't that impressed. Maybe sometimes I just get more satisfaction out of creating my own yumminess...

Rachel decided to show me how to see the city like a local, she already knows all the cool stuff (like where to get a mani/pedi for $25). We went to some Zinch parties and ate dinner with friends- china town, Italian, Indian. I want to go on a San Francisco food tour next time I'm there...

To top off the trip Brad surprised me with tickets to wicked, which was completely fabulous! I love that man.

fragile

I actually wrote this post a few weeks ago, I thought it might be a bit gloomy so I just saved it for myself. Today I got some sad news that brought me back to this. My sweet cousin lost her little baby who was expected to come into the world very soon. I feel so much love for her and her family and feel sad for their loss. As my mom told me about how her family has come together and felt so much love for each other I was reminded of how close my family became during the time that my brother had leukemia and after he passed away. When family passes from this life the veil becomes so thin and there are so many spiritual experiences that can bring a more eternal perspective to life.
A few weeks back I was thinking a lot about how crazy life is. On my second to last day in my capstone clinical I assisted a full-term mom who came in with decreased fetal movement which lead to the discovery that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. It was heartbreaking to see them slowly start to get past the initial shock and feel so much pain. Only a week earlier I discovered some bad news about one of the first deliveries I helped with this spring- a cute husband and wife with a little girl having their #2, I had run into them a few weeks later and they were so happy. Then I found out the mom recently got hit while cycling and was killed.
That same week was also the anniversary of when my brother brother Jimmy passed away. I've been learning some big life lessons my whole life, but have always had a strong family and knowledge of the gospel to get through things. I'm grateful for that, I don't want to say I'm grateful for trials I've had, but I can say that I know they make you stronger. I don't know how anyone could get through life's challenges without the gospel to provide comfort and peace. It's so important for me to be able to know that there is purpose in going through these experiences and what we can achieve as we overcome our trials. I know life's challenges make our lives richer and can make us better people. You never know people's secret challenges, but when you know someone who seems like they haven't had to deal with much yet in life I find that they also normally seem kind of empty. We are all here to be tested and tried to help our progression. Challenges can refine us at super speed if we remain faithful through them. I'm grateful to have such a wonderful family, extended family, and ancestors who have given me amazing examples of faith.
I absolutely loved this talk that our prophet, President Monson gave during the last general conference. He taught, "to understand the meaning of death, we must appreciate the purpose of life. The most glorious, comforting, and reassuring of all events of human history had taken place—the victory over death."
In a previous talk he said "How fragile life is, how certain death. We do not know when we will be required to leave this mortal existence. And so I ask, 'What are we doing with today?'"